About this Blog

This blog started as an online diary and place for me to rant about annoyances in my family.

However since July it has become a place for me to catalogue and express my views and opinions on the treatment I have recieved following the diagnosis of a potentially cancerous tumor in my bowel.

On 3rd August 2011 I was told that it was cancerous. In April 2012 I was given the all clear.

October 15th 2013 I was diagnosed with peritoneal disease and liver metastases. The cancer was back and this time it is inoperable.

It is a little bit out of date as the NHS doesn't tend to have a WiFi connection in hospital and I can only post when I get home and posts take a while to write.

It is NOT about individuals or the nursing profession. It is about some of the inadequacies in the system and the way the NHS is failing some people.

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Thursday, 4 September 2014

I have decided that the best thing that I can do, for myself and the children and in the memory of Ruth, my wife to carry on this page.  I intend to write about how the kids are doing more than me, but this opening post from me is about one day, Day 0.  Lots of love, Anthony.

Everyone says I am doing well.  I hope I am and gradually things are getting back together.  A thick skin and a great smile put the illusion on that all is under control.  Getting the call from my boss to ring the hospice that your wife needs me urgently is not the call anyone should get. Less than 24 hours earlier Ruth was fine, well chatty and apparently over the funny turn she'd had earlier that day. Emotions ran wild, I grabbed my bag and ran for the door stopped briefly on the way out to tell the deputy manager I had to go. In the car I rang my mother in law and told her to go. I rang my mum and told her to go, I was stuck at a level crossing just outside Bognor Regis.  I screamed and cried and screamed to Ruth not to leave me, the journey back seemed to take hours. I got there, straight down the corridor with nurses looking at me as if the worst thing had happened and into the room I burst.  Ruth lay there motionless, silent but breathing.  Relief.  Then the tears. I held her close, talking to her. My mum and mother in law were there too. Emotions filled the room. Hours passed, a few friends popped in which was really nice (thanks Rob, Lex, Francis and Nicola). Ruth's dad arrived, Ruth's sister arrived.  Then she opened her eyes. It was a eerie stare no pain but full of fear. She needn't have felt scared. Around 10:30pm Ruth fell asleep and my world fell apart.